Howdy folks, sorry for the delay on my weekly Column, I ended up in the hospital for a while and could not do anything for 10 days after I got out. That was because I had to wait for the biopsy report. Luckily I do not have colon cancer, but we can add colitis and some other funky word to my list of interesting endeavors. Such as RSD, fibromyalgia and multiple sclerosis, plus a degenerative spine so without further ado, I'd like to introduce myself Howdy howdy, I thought a proper introduction would be in order. My name is Frank . Well, I knew my age 27 seconds ago. Let me work on it. It should
come back to me I am 51 years old. Either way it doesn't matter I am at least half a century old. I'm married, had two sons, was divorce and a single sole parent of a two-year-old and a 10-month-old boy, for nearly ten years. Both boys and I should of just call them thing one and thing two and waited a couple years because the Irish looking one, has the German name and the German looking one has the Irish name. With the help of friends and family, my mom helping me the most as I raise them until I remarried in 1999 to Deborah my present wife, also my caregiver and her three sons who consider me their father, and trust me, that touched me very deeply that they consider me their father. So during those years as the sole parent is when I started writing poetry, Some of the poetry was dark and lonely, a lot of them were romantic and every night I went to bed every night thinking that little bit of my love was dying fading away for I had no one to share my love with. Everybody always said you are such a nice guy and great person. Yet nobody wanted to give me the time of day because I had two kids, such is life. 1982 I broke my back in two spots, trying to unload the truck. The pellet of groceries tips I stop the pellet from falling, but a large 250 pound bag of onions on top and rolled onto me and just snapped me in half. Then one day of July, actually it's coming up on the anniversary, of it. I was on my way to work. There was a house fire amd I saw the little girl from the door and all I could think of was my two children and praying to God that this situation , someone would stop and help my kids, after I had made four trips in the house pulled the mom and her two children and their dog out to safety. Then I spent a good 10 to 11 hours on oxygen, ended up scarring my lungs. It was approximately 6 months after that house fire the serious MS symptoms show themselves and as I look back on things. Now I can see that I had a few of the symptoms after my broken back they would show up once in a while, so more than likely when I broke my back is what started it, but that house fire shirt kick started it into overdrive. Then I spend the next seven years, going to the ER having overnight hospital stays for weeks on end, only to have the last three years, the medical staff telling me it was in my head. Unfortunately, they were correct. It was in my head. Now it's also in my spine, and after seven years. Their answer to me was always sorry because you weren't a female. We never even thought it could be MS so needless to say I was a bit pissed off and wrote a 15 page letter to the Board of Directors at the hospital and had two lawyers willing to work for free and the hospital erased most of my bill. So as I said after seven years , they finally did, and a spinal tap and 2 MRI's and then left me alone 2 1/2 days with no answers there was a good reason why they never found the multiple sclerosis, according to them, and I quote because I was not a female. They never even suspected it could be multiple sclerosis. So, like many of us who have a rough start, trying to get a doctor to believe those who listen to me yet did not test me properly. I was fortunate in one thing I didn't know I had MS, I knew something was wrong. But unlike a lot of my friends who had to endure the same thing, knowing it was MS and could not get a doctor to even listen to them. I did not endure that, I just had countless repeated trips, but the same 4-5 symptoms.
Since that I have learned a lot, one of the most damaging things from multiple sclerosis is your mental psyche. Sure you get physical disabilities, which you could fix that wih a brace, the cane, crutch or wheelchair. What it does to you upstairs, well that's where you have to control it or you will lose it completely. Especially if you let this illness take the upper hand. You will always be fighting from behind, trying to catch up trying to figure out,whats what, keeping your mental psyche intact is probably the most important thing with multiple sclerosis. Probably the most important thing with a lot of illness like ours. I also strongly feel this and a number of neurological illnesses are related to a deeper neuro core issue and ms is a side effect as is fibro rsd lupus etc....my docs only argument against this was that ms is attacking out bodies yet he also agreed it sounded more plausible then all these illnesses sharing so many attributes could all be different and my doc nero the neuro is one of the top ones in chicago area he helped work on the immune reboot and getting copaxone going and some other studies and test groups for MS. Although we dot not agree on weather has any effect on MS'ers, which he may be right it couldbe the fibro or my bad back, this ever loving multi factors of MS are enough to boggle anyones mind. I have also learned to educate ones self because unfortunately alot of docs think those extra letters after their names means they know your body better then we know our bodies and when you go in talking scientific terms they lose that condescending attitude and are abit more receptive to your thoughts opinions and ideas. So as i said howdy keep your humor try to stay positive redirect your anger andpains i w]rite poems and paint and cook when i can and still working on pacingmyself better. That is ahard one for many of us andmebeing a 24/7/365 type of person its hard for i feel if i do not give it my all i am giving in which isn't true to a point but again that mental psyche can haunt one. So wake up smile even though it takes an hour to get out of bed, for there are those who can not get out of bed and there are those who do not wake up. I would like to include a poem here that may help some with the family notbelieving you issue which seems to be arather prevelant issue for so many luckily i am graced with a family who supports me, so without further adeiu I would like to present my poem. One more thing to remember always. What my MSbs is may not be like yours and what works for you may not work for me. I bid you all happiness, love and peace.
“Believing is a gift” you say you hurt and your are not as strong yet i see nothing to show me this, i say you are wrong you say your muscles burn and nerves truly ache yet I see nothing wrong with you I say you are a fake you say you cant see your vision is all amidst yet I still see nothing wrong yet you still insist you say you are tired and the fatigue you can not stand yet I still see nothing wrong I think you are yanking my hand you say this to me every day, its always the same yet to me I think you are faking it I think you bring me shame You say i am a family member how can you not believe yet there is nothing to show me otherwise nothing for me to see you say your friends who suffer understand better than I yet I still insist you are not sore its all a big lie you say someday you will understand that this is not a game yet you keep on telling me I am ok I am still the same you say thank you for you’ve finally realized and the truth you see yet it took so long for you a family member to truly believe in me @by Frank Michael Williams
